Here is the start of an advice column from me. Since I need to follow advice like this, I guess I am qualified to write it.
Dear Eddi:
I do not know what to do. Someone who has really irritated me in the past has contacted a close friend about me in Second Life and said things about me. My problem is that I am not worried about about the person from the past, but what I said to my friend in text chat. You see, after hearing what she said, I lost my cool. And I said things that I should not have to her! And now, I regret saying what I did. What do I do? I am afraid that I may have damaged a relationship forever.
Dear Concerned Reader:
Everyone loses their temper. Losing your temper means that you are overcome by emotion that is not tempered or softened by logic. Everyone has regretted doing this. And everyone has become very angry after hearing what another has said about them.
Now, some people lose their temper more than others. The plus side to this is that there people are more likely not to develop certain stress related problems like ulcers for internalizing anger. The down side is that these people find themselves, more often than not, hurting people unfairly.
What your friend did is set off a "trigger" which caused you to lose your temper. We all have these triggers. And you exploded, like a gun.
If you were not on Second Life, or without the internet, you could have gone away until you were more in control of your emotions.
The problem in this era of email and electronic communication is that, unlike the written word, it is very hard to retrieve what you have sent. Letters tended to stay on your desk for a longer period of time. Also, unless you are using voice in Second Life, the intimacy of direct conversation is not there to temper what you have to say--- and listen for an immediate response, like in the prehistoric olden days of telephones without answering machines. So here within lies the problem.
If your friend were with you in person, or could hear you, she were instantly know that your anger was not really due to her! And she could tell you that you are right to feel this way! But since it is in writing, she could not tell this, and you had no chance to calm down before you "chatted" with her!
Here is my advice:
1. Your friend is in all likelihood less angry then you think. Apologize, tell her what happened, and she will understand in a few days, However, if you called her a totally ugly scag bitch who needs to learn how to beg for sex to get it, or something like this, you very well may have lost a friend and need to be lobotomized yourself.
2. Print this out and past this on your laptop or monitor.
NEVER PLAY SECOND LIFE, CHAT, OR SEND AN EMAIL WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY.
This is an absolute. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you stay away from instantaneous electronic communications you will not get in trouble.
My advice for the day!
You may leave confidential questions to me in comments to be answered.
